I care if you like me.
I care if you refuse my handshake.
I care if you turn the other way when I talk.
I care if you forget to hold the door open.
I care when you don’t come to me for help with things I am really good at.
I care when you chose them over me.
I care when you look at me strangely, as if I have done something wrong.
I care if you disagree with everything I say, I know your just trying to aggravate me.
I care if you tell me I am lazy, or that I have done nothing with my time.
I care if you look away from me, as if my eyes weren’t there.
You must understand,
Little things have big effects on people like me.
We are people,
And I don’t understand
How it is so easy to forget that.
We are all humans
With five litres of blood
Running through our veins,
And thoughts locked in our skulls.
We are people.
We all started out as equals.
Tiny humans, without bones in our knees
And with soft spots on our heads
And with tears in our eyes,
We were born in to this world.
We are human.
Fragile, breakable people.
And I don’t understand,
How it’s so easy to forget that.
Every morning I wake up
And convince myself that it is nothing.
That it does not exist.
But it must be something
If I spend every night,
Convincing myself that
I am nothing.
I am the most frustrated,
When I do not know what to say.
Words are leaking out of me,
Falling through cracks and
But none of them are good enough,
None of them can explain,
None of them can change anything.
I am the most frustrated when
My words do not make a difference,
Because for a while,
I used them
To bring value
I am the most frustrated
When I see you crying
And all words
Die on my tongue
And silence isn’t what you
Deserve because I know
You get enough of that,
But these words won’t help you either
And I just really
But the sound of weeping
Can’t be put
And I know
Of nothing else.
Breathing is not like a heart beating.
You can control the breaths you take.
You can hold them, stash air inside until your pockets are full.
You can breathe in and out so quickly,
That it does more harm than good.
But I have to tell you.
You can not stop the blood from exiting the walls of your heart,
You can not force the blood to run faster through your veins,
Or to stop your blood from moving completely.
I have been wondering if you realize this,
Because telling someone,
Is not like telling someone to keep their heart beating,
It is not automatic,
It is not something I don’t have to think about doing.
When I am afraid, my breathing hitches
And it’s difficult to stay calm when you think that air can not reach your lungs,
I can not “just” breathe,
I must forget about it.
I must force every one of my thoughts away and forget
About the pace that my lungs expand.
I must use my lungs as one uses their heart.
Hello sir, please come in.
Take your pick.
It’s our blow out sale.
Everything must go.
The bridge of my nose,
My pink lips and my round doe eyes,
Can be found on display in the front case.
You are welcome to purchase them, if you like.
My heart, my lungs and my brain,
Those are free.
You see, no one is taking them,
But they are perfectly fine,
I assure you, they have never been held before.
Or touched, or handled.
Although they may be dusty and heavy in your hands.
My limbs, my short arms and long legs,
My hands and my fingers,
They are in the back of the store.
I’m not sure if you want to buy them sir,
They are worn from running and rusty from salt and fresh air.
They are cold, and my skin has become dry around my calves and the creases near my elbows.
I left the rest of me in mismatched boxes throughout the store,
They may be hard to find amidst the mess.
They are all still fully functional.
I’m sure they could be put to some kind of simple, mechanical use.
Today’s our last day open,
We close at twelve tonight.
It’s our blow out sale,
So there are no refunds.
Please don’t come running back to me, if the parts are not to your liking or if they simultaneously give up on working.
I wont accept returns,
I don’t want any of it any longer.
You don’t want anything?
Thank you Sir,
Have a nice night.
And if I ever told you that I loved you,
I’d know you’d have no choice
Than to deny my existence
Because I know the way your mind works,
And my love
Is just too dangerous.
Human’s eyes are constantly covered with tears.
A gland secretes them, near the far corner of your eyes.
And throughout the day they slowly drain through your tear ducts,
And then they slip somewhere down your throat.
I know this because I like to tip my head back after crying,
And taste the salt drip down as I swallow.
Every time I know, that I should not cry,
And I know, that there is an ocean stretching it’s arms from somewhere behind my irises,
I look up,
And imagine my backed up tears,
Waiting in line to slip down a slide out my eye.
I imagine them leaving my sight like a pool drains.
I imagine the ocean drying,
Becoming cracks of sand and parched dirt,
The heat, scorching, burning, making me blink.
And then I am foolish enough to think that it never rains in deserts,
And foolish enough to believe that it’s possible to swallow an entire ocean in one gulp.